What in the world?

Yesterday, I came across a one-shot which was filled to the brim with WTF-moments. I was in hysterics throughout the entire thing and just had to let you guys know. 
The one-shot I'm talking about is 'Don't Drop The Soap' by darkNnerdy. It's a crackfic and it most definitely cracked me up.


In 'Don't Drop the Soap' Edward has a very pecular condition. He has suffered from this, ever since he was a little boy. He is attracted to appliances and other machinery, and happily humps the shit out of them. 
He gets sent away, but even all the psychiatric help in the world can't help him. So when he escapes, he happily continues his glorious humping, which leads to him getting tossed in jail. 


Will that finally end his love for machines? Or will he always long for those days where he's on kitchen duty?


An example:


Edward remembered back to the many talks his family and psychiatrist had with him over this fetish, but it never stopped him. The allure was just too great.

He tried to fight these feelings when they first occurred, washing machines, ovens, parking meters, sometimes when he felt a little more frisky than usual he even found that he was drawn to extruders, something about rubber-making machines had him more hot and bothered than ever before.
He knew his reasoning behind that machine, they were much harder to gain access to and it was so much more exciting when he got his hands on them.
The washing machine was his true first, though.

"Oh God!" He thought to himself, as the memories flowed back to him.

The vibrations were just too much to resist, and he was on it before he could even pull his pants down. He was humping away like a wild dog, when his mom walked in on him and his rotating partner, and he was immediately shoved at a therapist who gave him a name for his 'disease'.

Mechanophilia.

His mother was thoroughly embarrassed then, and wouldn't even make eye-contact with her appliance-humping son.




And one more:



He stroked the large machine lovingly as he walked around it in a seductive manner. Edward was trying to woo the machine. It was something he liked to do when he felt over-aroused and confident.
 So big, so beautiful. He whispered to the chipper as his hands made their way to the buttons.

He knew he shouldn't push them, but the chipper was pushing Edward beyond his limits at this point, and he was up against it, hips moving in motion to the sounds. It was the beat of sweet, sweet, love-making and Edward smiled as the warmth from the chipper connected with his body.

"Such a good chipper." Edward said lovingly, as his hips bucked towards it.
Edward was so lost in the moment with the chipper that he hadn't noticed the crowd surrounding him, or the officers pulling up. The lights from the cars only helped the mood for Edward.

His hands were groping and spanking the machine. It was like nothing he'd ever experienced, and he smiled inwardly as the machine's engine vibrated him.



I really loved some of the situations, Edward creates for himself. The poor boy gets caught more than that guy on 'American pie'. Only it doesn't quite turn out the way it did in the movie. Edward will get a very big surprise pushed at him near the end, but I'm not telling you what. 

Because I insist you go read this. Try to sit down on a solid surface, so you don't fall down from laughing too much. 
darkNnerdy, you are an amazing writer and thank you for making my day with this fic.